Happiness. It’s the ultimate human goal, right? When we have children we pray that they’re ‘just happy’. When we visit a counsellor, we cry that we ‘just want to be happy!’. With happiness we are enabled, we flourish and flow. Without it, life feels arduously difficult. I know this all too well, having spent the best part of twenty years on the happiness rollercoaster, trying to find my own sense of happiness.
Mine was a journey that took me from the depths of depression and anxiety to the heights of a newfound sense of happiness and well-being. The path was arduous, filled with shadows and uncertainties, but it was a journey I embarked on with unwavering determination to reclaim my life and find a genuine sense of happiness once again.
Its important to start my story with some background. I was born in 1981 to young parents. Recalling the years before the age of 8, I am confronted with memories that cast a shadow over the whole of my childhood. Those were the years I lived under the weight of an abusive father, a time marked by fear, uncertainty and vulnerability.
It was a relief when my parents separated, I remember the day clearly. When Dad said he was leaving, my heart skipped a merry dance in my chest. We would visit him and his new girlfriend on the weekends, but little improved.
The emotional scars left behind from those years cut deep, affecting not only my sense of self worth but also my perception of the world around me. They left a stain on my heart, one that whispered of me being inherently defective in some way, inadequate, flawed. The cold-hearted words and cruel actions reinforced the idea that his behaviour reflected my worth. In the aftermath of those early years, the sense of defectiveness became a heavy shroud influencing my self-esteem, my relationships, and the way I navigated life.
As I stepped into my teenage years, the past continued to grip me tightly and cast a shadow over my adolescence. I constantly compared and measured myself against my friends, longing for acceptance but never feeling good enough. I needed the constant reassurance of a boyfriend, and another, trying to find love in all the wrong places and fearing rejection. I hid my feelings of defectiveness from the world and masked it well but the inadequacy was always there, looming under the surface.
The course of my life took an unexpected turn when, at 19, I found myself facing the reality of an unplanned pregnancy. The weight of this newfound responsibility was daunting, and yet, it became the catalyst for a profound shift in my perspective. The moment my daughter was born marked the birth of more than just a new life; it was the birth of a new realisation. Motherhood became a lens through which I revisited the scars of my own childhood. Feeling my deep love for my daughter, I couldn’t understand how I was loved so little by my own father. It re-opened the old wounds and prompted me to seek understanding, answers, and healing.
I found myself drawn to a healer who could help me untangle my early years. She shared something truly intriguing with me: “Sometimes our greatest enemies are actually our greatest teachers”. It was mind boggling, but she explained that deep down, at a soul level, my father’s actions were driven by a profound love for me. According to her he chose to come to Earth and take on the consequences of his hurtful behaviour so that my soul could begin its journey with the kind of foundation it truly needed. A foundation that, strangely enough, came from pain but gave me some pretty powerful gifts: strength, independence, empathy, compassion, resilience and a real understanding of life’s tough moments. All the qualities, she said , that were essential for a healer, which she saw in me. I must admit, I didn’t fully grasp all of that back then. But as the years rolled on and I started to live out the path she saw for me, her words began to make more and more sense. In a way her words sparked something deep inside of me – an outpouring of emotions and a sort of spiritual awakening. And then, with the spiritual healing she gave me, it was as if years of pain were released, a trail of dark ash escaping from my solar plexus in my mind’s eye. Looking back, that was the beginning of my journey towards healing.
After my transformative session with the healer, she gently encouraged me to attend a spiritual healing training course. Intrigued and hopeful, I embarked on this new chapter of my journey with a mixture of excitement and trepidation. The workshop was a transformative experience, exposing me to a world of spiritual practices, self-discovery, and healing modalities that resonated deeply. My interest in Angels and the spirit world, that I had always had from childhood, deepened as I read more and more about them. Despite the amazing qualification gained as an NFSH Spiritual Healer, and the insight and tools I had acquired, I never felt confident enough to fully embrace the role of a healer. I was only in my early twenties, with barely any life lived, and shortly after I qualified I became pregnant again with my second daughter.
The workshop was not in vain. Looking back, I can see how it became a stepping stone, igniting a fire within me that fuelled my ongoing pursuit of healing and growth. Though I didn’t step into my role as a healer, I learned to integrate the lessons and practices I had encountered into my own life. This led to some self healing that provided a stable foundation for the years that followed. It was a steady 10 years or so which followed where I focussed on raising my children and growing my career. There was a steady and gradual progression of my healing and happiness over these years, characterized by big challenges, moments of quiet resilience and learnt wisdom. The emotional pain of my early years was in the background now. It had ebbed and peaked and then flowed away when I had bravely sought healing for it.
In 2012 a new chapter of challenges unfolded in my life after the birth of my son. The joy of welcoming a new life was juxtaposed with the stark reality of my mental health taking a downward spiral. My anxieties resurfaced, and in the wake of my deteriorating mental well-being, my physical health took a hit as well. Like a relentless storm, I faced a barrage of nine consecutive infections that seemed to mirror the turmoil within me. The darkness of depression seemed all-encompassing, and I found myself at a crossroads once again.
Amidst the chaos, I stumbled upon a lifeline that would lead me back towards the light: sewing. As I navigated the challenges of raising my young son and two daughters and tending to my health, I turned to the rhythmic and therapeutic act of sewing. It became my refuge, a sanctuary where my anxieties could momentarily fade into the background. I was actually good at it, and that gave me a sense of pride, self worth and confidence. With each stitch I found a sense of solace and control that had eluded me in the external world. As I crafted intricate designs and brought fabrics to life, I realised that sewing was not just a creative outlet; it was a form of meditation, self expression and healing.
The meditative act of sewing became my anchor, gradually helping me regain a sense of purpose and identity. It was a silent companion that stood by me through the darkest moments, offering me a tangible way to channel my emotions and find a semblance of stability. With time, my sewing hobby blossomed into something more significant – it evolved into a sewing business. As I poured my passion into creating unique pieces, I discovered that not only did this endeavour provide me with a creative outlet, but it also became a means of reconnecting with myself, my soul, my voice inside, and it built my confidence. The simple meditative act of sewing transformed my mental landscape, allowing me to reclaim a sense of agency and purpose in my life. My awareness expanded the more I sat in silence with my creativity switched on and through the stitches, I emerged from the depths of depression with a renewed sense of strength. The sewing business I built was not merely a source of income; it became a tangible manifestation of my resilience and the healing power of creativity. It was a testament to the fact that we possess the capacity to uncover hidden strengths and passions that can guide us towards recovery and transformation.
In December 2015, my fourth son was born, a moment of pure joy that was soon overshadowed once again by the onset of a familiar shadow – post natal depression. This became the most intense of awakenings that I have experienced to this day; the one that has led to the creation of this very spiritual business . Welcoming a new life into the world should have been a time of celebration and while my heart was brimming with love for my baby, the circumstances surrounding his birth introduced a barrel of challenges. At the time, we were living with my in-laws due to the search for a new home, subjecting us to cramped conditions that triggered waves of anxiety.
The collision of events intensified my struggles. The responsibilities of motherhood, the need within me to do it all perfectly, were compounded by the challenges of a living situation that felt suffocating. Amidst the fragility of the post-natal period, I also faced the ordeal of my eldest daughters need for an operation and the heart wrenching loss of my beloved cat. The walls that separated my emotional equilibrium from chaos came crashing down.
The strain was evident, not just in my heart but in my physical wellbeing. The stress weighed heavily, manifesting in unexpected ways – my hair and eyebrows thinned, a shocking reminder of the battle that raged within me. The once soothing act of sewing became an impossible task, a creative outlet that I simply could not face under the weight of my emotions.
Then, on one fateful day, a panic attack shook me (and my husband) to my core. It was a moment of reckoning that I couldn’t ignore – a stark realisation that the icy fingers of depression had once again tightened their grip on my life. It was this moment that drove me to seek help.
Resolute in my desire to steer clear of antidepressants, I set out on a path of self-discovery and healing with the conviction that I could find a way to lift myself out of the depths of depression. The prospect of medication brough forth mine and my husband’s reservations, stemming from a friend’s negative experiences that cast a shadow of doubt. I knew in my heart that I had to navigate this journey on my own terms, finding my own unique path towards healing.
This quest led me to the doors of a bookshop, where I was instinctively drawn to two books that would become guiding lights on my journey: Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now” and Louise Hay’s “You can heal your life”. Through the pages of these profound books, I discovered a world of mindfulness, self-awareness, and the transformative potential of shifting my perspective.
Inspired by Tolle, I delved further into this newfound path by embarking on a mindfulness and meditation journey. I enrolled in a free online course called Palouse Mindfulness, which provided me with the tools and guidance to navigate the landscape of my own mind.
Meditation wasn’t an instant panacea. My anxious mind resisted the practice initially. Oh, the times I would lose my temper with myself!!! But with patience and persistence, I started to witness a slow and subtle transformation. Bit by bit, I discovered that meditation allowed me to widen the gap between my thoughts, creating an oasis of calm within the storm of my mind. The practice of being present, as advocated by Eckhart Tolle, started to infuse my life with moments of peace and clarity that I had long yearned for.
As the days turned into weeks, the clouds of depression began to lift, and through the lens of mindfulness and meditation, I saw with startling clarity the nature of my own thoughts. I realised that they were often skewed towards negativity, constantly undermining my self-worth and sabotaging my progress. I began to notice that my mind was an inner arsehole! Armed with this insight, I became determined to rewrite the scripts that played in my mind, replacing them with affirmations of self-love and empowerment (thank you Louise Hay!)
Through the power of mindfulness, meditation, conscious thought and redirection, spiritual healing and the loving support of the angels, I discovered that the path to healing lay within my own hands. The journey, though challenging, was a testament to the incredible capacity of the human spirit to rise from the ashes, to find solace in the present moment, and to transform adversity into a catalyst for growth and renewal.
As my journey continued, I recognised the value of integrating diverse sources of knowledge into my healing process. I delved into spiritual, psychological, self help and wellbeing literature, eager to explore a variety of tools and strategies that could support my recovery. Each book became a stepping stone, offering a unique perspective and an arsenal of tools that I could adapt to my own journey.
Rekindling my connection with angels became a pivotal part of my healing journey, a source of solace that intertwined seamlessly with my evolving spiritual path. While my affinity for Angels had been present throughout my life, my meditation practice served as a bridge to communicate with them more intentionally. With each meditation session, I found it easier to establish a profound connection, as the boundaries between the physical and the spiritual realms seemed to blur.
In moments of vulnerability and darkness, I would call upon the angels for spiritual healing and support. Their presence became a soothing balm, enveloping me in a sense of comfort and reassurance that I had never experienced before. I immersed myself in angelic literature, eagerly studying every book I could find on the subject. Each meditation, exercise and visualisation became a portal through which I could engage with these benevolent beings, seeking guidance and solace.
Through these intentional interactions, I had profound experiences that solidified my belief in the existence of angels and their capacity to aid in our healing journey. Their messages, often subtle whispers in the recesses of my mind, guided me towards insights and perspectives that illuminated the oath ahead. The bond I forged with the angels was a testament to the profound interplay between spirituality, mindfulness, and the power of intention.
In the wake of my transformative journey, I sought to further refine and expand my healing capabilities. Motivated by a fervent desire to facilitate healing and support for others, I pursued a Usui reiki qualification. This was a step toward refreshing and enhancing my energy healing skills, enabling me to harness the healing energy that had once been instrumental in my own recovery.
Recognising the profound potential of combining my intuitive gifts and knowledge, I embarked on a new chapter of my educational journey. In enrolled in college to study for my counselling qualifications, believing that this traditional route would enable me to support others on a structured manner. However, as I progressed, a realisation dawned on me: I didn’t want to become a conventional counsellor. My calling was to weave the spiritual and metaphysical dimensions into my healing approach, as I believed this to be the most transformative and powerful way to facilitate true healing.
With this clarity, I embraced a different path – that of a spiritual life coach. This decision aligned with my deep conviction that blending psychological insights with spiritual awareness could create a holistic approach to healing. As I conducted reiki sessions, I began to sense the presence of angelic beings. Their guidance and wisdom unfolded, and they played a pivotal role in inspiring me to create the Angel Energy Healing Courses which I now run through my own registered college. This comprehensive program, guided by these celestial beings, became accredited and is now a cornerstone of my business. I take immense pride in this accomplishment, knowing how far I’ve come and that I’m contributing to the empowerment and transformation of others.
As my passion for healing expanded, I delved further into energy medicine and earned the distinction of Angelic Reiki Master Teacher. My dedication to personal growth and development remains unwavering, fuelled by the belief that learning and evolving are endless journeys. I’ve learned that personal development is a lifelong pursuit. This philosophy is woven into the fabric of my work and life. As a spiritual life coach, I continually seek to expand my skills, refine my techniques, and deepen my understanding. I’m driven by the belief that healing is a multifaceted journey, and I’m committed to guiding others toward self-discovery, growth and evolution. In my eyes we are all unfinished masterpieces, perpetually evolving and aspiring to reach new heights of understanding, healing and wellbeing.
Over time, my personalised methods evolved into the foundation of the insights and practices I share in this very book I’m writing. The strategies that helped me overcome depression and cultivate well-being and happiness have become the cornerstones of the coaching sessions I now offer to my clients. Some resonated more than others, some worked more than others, and these select methodologies began to coalesce into my personal approach to healing. My own healing journey, shaped by the psychological, the energetic, the metaphysical and a voracious appetite for knowledge, has culminated in a passionate mission to guide others towards their own paths of healing, growth and transformation.
Above all else, my proudest accomplishment lies in my capacity to discver happiness in the present moment, regardless of the circumstances. This profound ability to find comfort, acceptance and tranquility in both joy and sorrow has become another cornerstone of my wellbeing journey. I’ve come to understand that just as the clouds pass, so do the moments of sadness and discomfort, eventually making way for renewed light.
Equipped with a toolkit of techniques and strategies to navigate through the less joyful moments, I’ve developed a resilience that empowers me to face challenges head-on. Its this resilient mindset that has enabled me to transition from despair to empowerment, from darkness to hope. My commitment to my own wellbeing has paved the way for a lasting sense of happiness that transcends the ebb and flow of life’s ups and downs.
This book is a culmination of my journey – a journey marked by introspection, healing and transformation. As I reflect on the tools, insights and practices that have illuminated my path, I’m inspired to share this wisdom with others who may be navigating their own challenges. I’m driven by the desire to offer support and guidance to those who seek to find their own path towards happiness, self-acceptance and healing.
The pages of this book bear the imprints of my own personal journey, and each chapter is a testament to the strength of the human spirit, the power of resilience and the beauty of growth. Through the lessons I’ve learned, the experiences I’ve had, and the transformation I’ve undergone, I aim to illuminate a path toward wellbeing and fulfilment for all who may be seeking it. This book is an invitation to join me on a journey of self-discovery, healing and the pursuit of happiness – a journey where we can collectively embrace the fullness of our human experience and fins solace in the wisdom that we are never alone on this path.